The Dos and Don’ts of Conflict Resolution

In the workplace, negotiations with co-workers can sometimes flare into conflicts. When they do, the experience can be stressful and the organisational outcomes, as a result, can sometimes suffer

Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.’ A truer and more profound philosophical statement could not have been made. Disagreements and conflicts can arise in any company or institution, just as rifts may occur in any family situation. In an ideal world, it may be possible to think about utopia and believe that everyone is in total agreement with everyone else all the time. But we are all made differently, and we think as individuals, based on our upbringing, our surroundings, our experience, and possibly our basic DNA. There are bound to be disagreements, but sometimes these minor rifts may become major conflicts. It is for us as individuals, for us as part of a corporation, for us as part of a greater community, to make sure that problems are resolved amicably and to the satisfaction of all concerned.

Several years ago, I was part of a small private equity group. Every one, or so I believed, was friendly with each other. There were no apparent egos that needed to be massaged. The managing partner inducted a new partner into the group. As I was leading the negotiations to conclude the purchase of a multi-party cable and mobile company, I was asked to brief the new partner. I shared some thoughts and ideas that I had developed but had not yet shared with the others. Unbeknownst to me, this person publicly announced my ideas as his own without any credit to our discussion. This developed into a major conflict that led me to leave the group. Looking back, this unpleasant situation could have easily been salvaged to the benefit of all. The new partner took over as the chief negotiator. The negotiating party, realising that they were now dealing with a person who did not know the history of the negotiations that had proceeded over the previous many months, opened all issues that had been settled. Our private equity group ended up getting a raw deal. In hindsight, I would say that all of us, especially the new partner and I, should share the blame for a great contract going sour.

Katie Shonk wrote about conflict resolution in a Harvard Law School blog of May 30, 2016: “In the workplace, negotiations with co-workers over issues such as project assignments, departmental funding and vacation requests can sometimes flare into conflicts. When they do, the experience can be stressful, and the organisational outcomes sometimes suffer as a result.” Think critically, and clearly about conflict management strategies that can help you address conflict in the workplace, both as an employee and as a manager.” Some elements to consider are:

• Control negative emotions, but don’t necessarily leave them out
• Don’t do it alone; find a mediator
• Listen actively to the other person and respond thoughtfully without anger
• Think clearly about underlying differences

When there is a possible rift, or when a conflict is on the horizon, it is easy to start having negative thoughts; the first thing that comes to mind is to blame the other person. These thoughts are unhelpful and unlikely to provide a positive outcome. Having said that, it may not be a bad idea to show emotion. Expressing deep sentiments about a conflict can be cathartic and could also help the other party see you as a multi-faceted human being, rather than as the ‘enemy’. Your reaction may also bring out a sympathetic and beneficial response from the other person. Two smart, thoughtful, and insightful people can often resolve an issue, thereby preventing a small issue from becoming a major problem.

If possible, when resolving a potential conflict, have a mediator present. There is often a possibility that you are seeing only one side of the problem – your own. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Was their action deliberate, or just a lack of thought and consideration for you; was it done to put you down, or make him or her look good in front of the boss? Consider a situation where everything is not clearly ‘black’ or ‘white’, but many shades of ‘grey’.  It may be useful to bring in a third person who can act as a mediator, a person who does not necessarily favour one person or the other, and does not have a strong view about the conflict; enlist the help of a manager – someone you trust to handle the conflict confidentially and effectively.

When a conflict arises, it is so easy to get annoyed, and you may start showing your irritation without providing the other person ‘space’ or time to consider their actions. This battlefield mentality will get you nowhere. When negotiating conflict in the workplace, set a productive tone by letting the party you’ve been arguing with to speak first. In many situations, the other person may continue to take an uncompromising stance and the possibility of you getting even more annoyed and bothered is high. Think about a ‘time-out’, giving both of you an opportunity to reconsider your individual strong positions. The key is not to let this unpleasant situation simmer in your mind, thereby affecting your work and interaction with your colleagues.

As you work towards resolving the dispute, consider the underlying nature of the issues that led to the present conflict. Some fundamental reasons for potentially unrelated issues to become major conflicts include taking credit for other people’s work, a noticeable discrepancy in the salary and benefit structure between colleagues, preference given by a manager to one person as opposed to the other. Do not club past grievances with the issue you are now trying to resolve. Think creatively about breaking down multiple issues into small sub-problems. Some of them can be resolved directly with the other party; others may need mediation from a friend or a manager, while you yourself may have to accept a few issues in light of the greater good. It is not always possible to get your own way in every case!

Katie Shonk of Harvard Law School concludes by saying, “As you determine how to manage conflict at work, it’s important to remember that the more quickly you can exchange a combative attitude for a problem-solving mind-set, the more likely you will be to resolve the dispute amicably. By bringing proven negotiation techniques to your dispute, including active listening, emotional-intelligence skills, and value creation, you may even be able to transform your conflict in the workplace into a productive working relationship.”

Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism said: “In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy”